Love Is Not Real

So this will be pretty short because it is late and I am tired. I have loved exactly one person in my entire life (outside my family I mean). Anyone with half a brain knows that the person I am talking about is Adam. That love has changed now after many months of being ex, and it's no longer the love of being in love, but the love of a friend. The other person in my life who I thought I might have loved at one time, turns out it was nothing even remotely close. He never deserved it, nor did he deserve anything I ever gave him, and I think also anyone with half a brain knows what I am talking about in this case as well. I told him tonight that we can't even be friends, and while I feel like I ripped my own heart out by saying that, I also know I am better off because I am saying it. Teetz says this person I speak of loves me but is too dumb to even know it, and that I did the right thing. If I did the right thing, why do I feel like I would rather die than be without him in my life then?